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The mansley (just a short story)

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The mansley (just a short story)

Post by EvilOreo on Wed Dec 22, 2010 8:57 pm

The Mansley’s Home
Some people swore the house was haunted but the closest they got to the house was the front porch when their fears got the best of them and they ran off like cowards, the only thing they had coming for them were their mouths.
“ Oh Bently I can’t even imagine what would happen if you went inside that scary house.” Hannah clung to Bently’s shoulder, and made googley eyes at him. Slut. He looked annoyed.
The rest of the classmates bragged about the haunted Mansley’s home that they had never entered. Oh god this was annoying.
“ Sam.” I looked up and accidently ripped my paper. “Goodness I was going to tell you to hand in your paper, do you still want t- ?”
“ No.” I interupted.
“ Okay gosh, chill. What’s up?” Julia look at me with her brows furrowed.
“ Well, one none of these pussys have ever gone inside the Mansley’s house, and two I accidently ripped my paper.”
“ No, Hannah is flirting with Bently.” Julia finished a sentence I was too embarrased to say.
“ I don’t care about that, She’s just so annoying, I mean look at his face, he obviously knows she’s a slut.” I could feel the anger in my voice.
“ Sam if you’re so worked up about the house than do something about it.” Julia sat next to me. “ It’s not good to just stress out, you’re going to get a pimple.” This made me laugh.
“ Oh what Sam? You called?” I turned around to see Bently get up from his seat, he closed his binder, and stood up, brushing off Hannah’s hands from his shoulder. He walked torwards the teacher and handed in the assignment, then sat in the deat to my right. “ God if I have another group assignment with her, I’ll kill myself.” He whispered. I smiled.
“ So you used me?” I asked jokinly.
“ Only because she was touching my thigh.” He said pulling out his phone. “ I didn’t use you, I used your name.” He gave me a smile.
“ Who are you texting Bently?” Julia asked being nosy. “ Is it a girl?” Now I was being nosy.
“ No it is not.” Bently said in a smart tone. “ It’s Jake, and it’s my dare week.” He didn’t look so worried.
Jake, Javier, Jesse, Oscar and Bently are best friends and they call themselves the triple J.O.B, because they are retarded. So every week is dare week for one of the guys. Last week the guys dared Oscar to run across the football field in an underwear. The cheerleaders freaked out and the administrators had him on the floor before he ran a fourth of the field. He got suspended. Idiot.
“ What stupid, idiotic thing will you have to do this week?” I asked uninterested.
“ I think you might have to steal little kid’s candy on Halloween night! Ooooh, scary?” Julia said doing this weird claw thing with her hand.
“what are you going to dress up as this Friday?” I almost forgot about Halloween. But it was worth asking.
“ Well,” Julia started, “ I will be a nurse, and I have my first aid kit bag for the candy.” She smiled. “ You?”
“ Um, I’m not sure, I just want the candy.” We both laughed, but out laughter was interuped by Bently.
“ Guys..” He froze staring at the cellphone in his hand. He looked terrified.
“ What?” Julia asked. “ What is it, what’s the dare?”
I guess Hannah overheard this because she took the phone right out of Bently’s hand, I stood up, this pest was about to get it.
“ Your dare is to enter the Mansley’s house for an hour, light up a candle in both of the twins bedroom windows, and be out of the house before the time given, “ She paused and stared at the silent classroom, “ 12a.m to 1 a.m this Friday.” She stood there with a stupid expression, her mouth was open and she had her hand over it. Attention slut.
I snatched the phone out of her hand. There were whispers around the classroom.
“ Oh Bently, you can’t go alone, I’m coming with you.” She sat in my seat next to Bently and hugged his side grabbing his arm.
“ So am I.” Hannah shot me a look.
“ Well, that means I’m in too.” Julia said bored.
“ Get out of my seat Hannah.” I was ready to fill those long blond curls with my fingers.
Hannah ignored me. The whole class was starring and the tension was building.
The bell rang, Bently got out of his seat yanking his arm away from Hannah and left the class without a word. The rest of the class left and as Hannah got up she bumped into me as she left. This is it. I started walking torwards her, my hand was hungry for her hair.
“ Sam.. It’s not worth it.” Julia was serious. “ Let’s go find Bently.”
……………………………………………………
Julia is my best friend. We go way back let’s say kindergarden If you needed her she was always there… With a crayon. Julia has long blond hair, her eyes are as blue as the ocean, she is tall and slim and she has the biggest dimples in the world.
I met Bently in 2nd grade, we got into a big argument about who should be the line leader. Well, not an argument, a fight, a wrestling match right on the classroom floor. Everyone knew who wasn’t going out for recess that day. We became best friends after that. Bently has tan skin, He has short brown hair and light brown eyes. He’s a wrestler for our school. I don’t like him but I feel as if I should protect him from hannah’s spells.
Hannah and I met in 4th grade we weren’t the best of friends to even begin with. Her and I were always competing, even if it was for grades or guys.. especially guys. She’s a clingy slut and she just has to like all the guys I do. And I’m not gonna tell you what she does to keep her men by her side let’s just say that that’s a separate story.
The Mansley’s house is a big house in which the most beautiful family used to live in. There was a Husband Mr. Abe Mansley, his wife Mrs. Amanda Mansley and their two beautiful twin daughters Lauren and Kayla. One Halloween night 10 years ago there was a robbery. The robber had a gun and he shot the Parents first, then the twins… They were killed 2 seconds apart. No one knows what happened to the robber but he was found dead that morning.. His face was destroyed but no one knows by what or how it happened. Some people say that the twins came back to kill him from the dead, others say that the family was cursed. People say that if you light up a candle in each of the twins room at 1:15 a.m they will both blow out at the same time.
………………………………………………………………………..
“ Bently you don’t have to do this.” I tried to warn Bently, I was more than worried I was horrified. “ Please.”
Bently ignored me staring at the house. I looked at Julia in her nurse costume, her first aid kit was filled with candy. I looked down at my crunch, snickers and twix bars I couldn’t eat, not now.
“ You got 5 minutes.” Jesse said laughing with jake and javier joining in. Oscar was out of town, I was almost glad he wasn’t here all we needed was another loud person.
“ Oh! Don’t time him! You take your time sweety.” Hannah said standing next to Bently.
Sweety? Really? Was that her new word? Did she actually think their friendship was somehow magicly leveling up?
“two minutes.”
I looked up at the dark house. It had 4 Windows the first 2 were on the bottom floor and they were covered with big black bags The left was the living room, and the right was the dining room. The other 2 windows were on the top floor curtainless and bagless. Those were the twins room. There were side windows some were guest rooms and 1 was the master bedroom where Mr and Mrs. Mansley died. Nobody ever had the guts to go in there, nobody wanted to know which window it was..
Julia, Hannah, Bently and I started walking torwards the front door every step felt loud in my ears, my heart was pounding, and I broke a sweat. Bently Grabbed the door knob and turned it, he opened the door with ease and we walked in.
The stairs were in the middle of the room to the left like I said was the living room with a big sofa, and a rocking chair. To the right was the dining room, it was completely empty. Bently hadn’t said a word since the last count down, he started to walk up the steps, we followed.
Bently handed a candle and a lighter to Julia without a word. We got to the very top of the stairs.
“ Hannah you come with me.” Julia said in a stern voice, one that you can’t say no to. Hannah moved to her side without a word. “ Okay Hannah and I are going left, Sam you and Bently are going right.
Bently and I walked side by side in silence when we heard a conversation, stompings and then a loud scream. I grabbed on to Bently’s hand but quickly let go. I felt my heart in my head my body was shivering and I couldn’t grasp the momment. It was almost like it wasn’t real but too real to be happening.
“ Bently.” I said in a squeaky voice. I couldn’t speak.
“ Sam calm down.” He didn’t sound scared at all.
“ Did – di –did you hear t-t-that?” He didn’t repond. He grabbed my hand, and I let out my breath I didn’t realize I was holding it in. My hand was sweaty against his perfectly warm, dry hand.
We reached Kayla’s room and he opened the door, not letting go of my hand. She had a small bedroom, a single bed in the middle of the room no bedsheets and a mirror with cabinets under it, the walls were naked. To the right was the window. Bently let go of my hand and went to the window to set up the candle. I saw that one of the cabinets was open and I went to close it, as I stood up looking at my reflection through the mirror there was a big black shadow covering the door behind me. I froze, I was speechless, I felt tears in my eyes. Gravity intensified under my feet I felt glued to the spot I was on, My heart was beating fast and I mean fast. I felt Someones hand on my stomach pulling me.
“ We got to go! Come on.” Bently’s eyes were big and my feet moved with his. I couldn’t say anything. We were running so fast through the halls we didn’t see Hannah and Julia we all bumped into each other falling to the floor.
“ Bently.” Julia screamed.
“ I know!” Bently shouted back.
He grabbed my hand and we all got up, we ran torwards the stairs and started to run down the stairs until we heard a little girls voice say “ Why can’t you stay and play with us?” We ran faster down the stairs it was feeling like forever. Then we heard a deep voice Laugh it echoed through the empty halls. We all felt a strong force push us down the stairs. Bently got up fast like the rest of us and he ran torwards the front door it was somehow locked from the inside. We heard the deep laughter again, but this time is was louder as if he was laughing in our ears, in our faces.
“ The side window!” Hannah shouted. We all looked at the living room side window and ran torwards it. Bently grabbed the rocking chair and broke through the window.
“ Go!” He shouted. Hannah, ofcourse go out first then Bently, after him Julia. I got half of my body of into the sweet, open air feeling freedom, then something grabbed my ankle pulling me back inside the house. I screamed as if I had never screamed before. Bently grabbed my arms pulling me out, I looked back to see little Kayla grabbing my ankle.
“Bently!!” I screamed and kicked but it was impossible. Julia grabbed my other hand and they pulled me out succesfully. I landed in Bently’s arms. We ran to the front of the house to meet up with javier, jake, and jesse. They had the biggest smiles on their faces, they stared at the 2 lit candles on the 2 top floor windows.
“ 2 minutes.” Jesse said. “ right on time look.” He pointed to the windows.
Hannah was out of sight. We stood side by side staring at the windows, the cool October air blew through my hair. I looked down at my ankle and saw a red hand print mark. I looked up just in time to see the 2 candles blow out at the same time. The air felt heavy once more and we all ran screaming home. Nothing was ever the same after that
.
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EvilOreo
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Re: The mansley (just a short story)

Post by Qualna on Wed Dec 22, 2010 9:14 pm

It's kind of disappointing as you're leaving these as only short stories rather than a whole series. You bade an entire build-up based on an average Mary Sue routine, only to cut out the story when it gets interesting. The voice of the story is what I like most as it captures the female author's style in viewing other people. What we have here is a trope referred to as the "Bolivian Army Ending" in which the story doesn't exactly have the conflict resolved, it just... stops. (Ever read 'Of Mice And Men?') Nobody ever tries to confront what's in the house, they all just avoid it. Again, it's a real shame that these are only short stories, as they have so much potential to build upon. I really recommend you add more to these because you could make it so much more impacting. It just seems like another horror-of-the-hour type thing. My advice is to start posting committed stories, rather than leaving loose ends.

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Re: The mansley (just a short story)

Post by EvilOreo on Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:15 am

I was just looking back on my stories and Qualna I have read "Of mice and Men" and I loveeeeee that book lol
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Re: The mansley (just a short story)

Post by Aaron on Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:56 pm

I hated that book. So much. The ending was.... just c'mon....

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