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A Tale of Kool-Aid

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A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:46 am

Chapter One : Koolaid Emblem the Koolaiding

Mid day, in a normal house on a normal street- turns out it's an old ass house in the hood, the Koolaid man sits in wait outside against a wall, waiting for his que. "Man, this job is getting old...." He was in deep thought about his future when from the other end of the wall, he heard "Oh no! Nigga, you broke ma vase! Dat shit's espensive!" He burst through the wall, with a loud "OH YEAAAAH". There was a silence for a moment, then the African American man who was yelling about a vase spoke up.

"BITCH YOU BROKE MY WALL! YOU GONNA PAY FO DAT! And what the fuck you talkin 'bout 'Oh yeah'? You ain't the one gotta pay fo dis shit! Jimmy get ma gap, this nigga gonna get capped!." The man had a mad look in his eyes and began drooling, as his white ass friend went to get his gun. "You know what? I got an idea, you gonna gimmi yo self." Kool-Aid Man began backing away from the crazed man and tried to reason. "You don't have to do this man, here, I'll hook you up with some Koolaid! We're cool, right man?" The man was not deterred as his friend came back giving him a pistol. "You know how much weed I'ma have to sell to pay fo this shit?" The man pointed the gun, and fired three shots.

They merely bounced off Kool-Aid Man, all coincidentally hitting Jimmy in the chest. Jimmy stood there, not seeming effected by the bullets at all. Kool-Aid Man was shocked, and asked "How the fuck are you still standing?" "Man, I got my bling!" The white boy replied, as he lifted a mesh of gold chains from under his shirt, with the bullets jammed in them. "Guess we just gonna have ta drink ya then, homie!" the black man replied, as they both walked closer to Kool-Aid Man. "This is the last time I come to the ghetto...." Kool-Aid Man said.



Chapter One, end. Made at request. Am I horrible at writing or do you all wanna see more of this train wreck?

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Fri Aug 16, 2013 2:39 am

I have words for this. After I take some Valium, I have words for this.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Fri Aug 16, 2013 4:11 am

You go do that then get back to me. Also, note that Buck told me to. I don't know how to shit a story. ;-;

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Awakening on Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:42 am

Suddenly Kool Aid man is Accelerator.

10/10 can't wait for next chapter

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Qualna on Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:38 pm

I'm glad there's another Kool-Aid story out there in the making. Now I don't have to finish mine.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Fri Aug 16, 2013 5:01 pm

Qualna's post has me in tears.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Fri Aug 16, 2013 6:19 pm

Qualna wrote:I'm glad there's another Kool-Aid story out there in the making. Now I don't have to finish mine.
Don't pretend you were ever going to.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:10 pm

Buck, where's my tokens?

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by buckthefuffalo on Fri Aug 16, 2013 7:44 pm

Qualna wrote:I'm glad there's another Kool-Aid story out there in the making. Now I don't have to finish mine.
Can't you do it out of the kindness of your heart? Having a story about Jap Kool-Aid and one about nig Kool-Aid being produced at the same time might be cool.

Who am I kidding, you won't do it.

L wrote:Buck, where's my tokens?
I said it had to be decent. This wasn't put together well, but I've seen worse first attempts. For one thing, mistakes in grammar (not counting the ebonics) are present. It also feels pretty generic/cliche because of the Kool-Aid/black people dynamic you have going so far. It's not very lengthy for an entire chapter, and there's not really enough lead-up or exposition that adequately explains the setting, the characters (I can forgive this one though if you are good at characterization in the story itself), or what happened leading up to these events. For example, why did Kool-Aid man choose this neighborhood/house? What were the African American and his "white ass" friend doing before Kool-Aid Man showed up? What caused the vase to break? These are just some details that could have been added to make the story a more entertaining read. Mood/atmosphere is huge, and you have to augment it with good writing.

Other than that, it's just not very descriptive, and I really feel like you could do more with a premise as ridiculous as the adventures of Kool-Aid Man. Have fun with it; be creative.

Admittedly I did laugh imagining these events because KAM makes everything funny, and I liked the small twist about the bling. Again, more could have been done with it, but that wasn't a bad idea in itself.

Not that I'm expecting some sort of literary masterpiece, but I would like to see more effort put into the writing. You did at least make an attempt though, and for that, you get a pat on the back. The tokens will have to wait though.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Qualna on Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:00 pm

Oh so now you think I WON'T do it, do you? I might have to take that as a challenge just to prove you wrong.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by buckthefuffalo on Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:13 pm

Qualna wrote:Oh so now you think I WON'T do it, do you? I might have to take that as a challenge just to prove you wrong.
pls Qualna don't play with my dreams

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Safiliwen on Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:43 pm

Do it you won't.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:50 pm

Yeah, Qualna. You won't.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Sun Aug 18, 2013 7:14 am

You won't do it, loser.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Sun Aug 18, 2013 6:10 pm

Quiet, you.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:35 pm

Korasi wrote:Quiet, you.
Go sit on a tick nest.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:45 pm

Give yourself a Mountain Dew enema.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:51 pm

Nah, that would probably burn like fuck.

Go collect 6 of the 7 pages then wait.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:16 pm

There's eight pages, dude. Do your math right, But of course, homeschooled kids don't learn math very well.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Tue Aug 20, 2013 12:16 am

Korasi wrote:There's eight pages, dude. Do your math right, But of course, homeschooled kids don't learn math very well.
Actually, many homeschooled people end up smarter than normally taught people, as they get all the attention of the 'teacher' and can learn in a more peaceful environment.

Also, I haven't even seen a video of someone playing Slender in so long, I apologize for forgetting how many pages there are. Point is I told you to die in a creative way.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Tue Aug 20, 2013 12:21 am

Homeschooled kids are also predominantly socially retarded.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Tue Aug 20, 2013 12:26 am

Korasi wrote:Homeschooled kids are also predominantly socially retarded.
That would explain why I am white and able to befriend black niggas, right?

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Tue Aug 20, 2013 1:14 am

You're befriending your own kind. The socially inept.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by L on Tue Aug 20, 2013 3:30 am

Are you calling me a wigger?

I, sir, am no wigger. Also, I believe you would fit in better among this crowd than I, as they can actually get booty from you.

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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

Post by Cocks Leader on Tue Aug 20, 2013 4:19 am

I hope you're using pirates' slang. I'll just have Safi tell you what would happen if one of these "real ganstas" in America set foot in London and made a shit over themselves.
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Re: A Tale of Kool-Aid

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