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The General

Post by Aaron on Mon Aug 06, 2012 8:58 pm

"Take care of the children, Maya." It had been just this morning that I had uttered those words to my wife as I kissed her lips and took the burden of my country upon my shoulders. I sheathed my daggers, my wakizashi and my katana, a deathly glint in my eyes. They will pay for ruining my country, I silently vowed. There was a satisfying *shick* as my spare katana, resting just inside of the back of my kimono, hit its guard on the sheath. My children begged for me to stay, gripping my legs with all of their strength, their white knuckles bulging beneath my flowing garments. "Forgive me," I cried under my breath as the siblings hit the floor, my hilt having found its way to each of their heads. I opened the door with my free hand, the other gripping Maya's shoulder. I turned and hit her with the hilt of my dagger. I knew it was the only way that I could be at peace, knowing that she wouldn't worry. She fell to the floor, unconscious, as I shut the door behind me, knowing that I may well never come home again.

I wore my plated armour underneath my clothing. To keep me warm, I wore the kimono that my grandmother had made for my father. It wasn't a feminine kimono. It was purely decorative, a gift to my mother and father as a symbol of prosperity. The cold air bit my face, the only part of me left unprotected. Yet I trudged on, never slowing my pace. I gave orders to assemble about a mile from here, yet no one was nearby. An eerie silence seemed to creep over the pathway, and my thoughts wandered to my unconscious family. I hope they are alright... I felt a lone arrow breeze by my face. The battle was one that would decide the fate of Herajiko forever. And it had already begun.

The arrow imbedded itself in a tree, impaling the skull of an already decayed skeleton. I pulled the arrow from the tree and fingered it. How I wished I was home. Blood was all over the ground, and I knew that I would never wash the smell of death off of my body. Suddenly, soldiers swarmed me from all sides. My head was in the center of maybe 20 swords. I heard rustling in the trees, signifying enemy archers. Most of my comrades were dead or dying, with a few looking on at their general's situation. I watched excitedly , thought not showing it, as a captain of mine and one of his lieutenants stepped forth from a bush located directly behind the commander of the attackers. The commander, not noticing my men, began to address me. "Wok-Tan Kyoko... the infamous general... the 'Demon of the Wind'... how fortunate that we would find you here. However, you are very unfortunate to find us. I apologize in advance for any grievous wounds that don't kill you," the man said. "You talk too much, Yu Chang," I retorted, slitting his throat with the arrow. The captain and lieutenant took their cue, firing arrows from the bows of their fallen comrades into the trees. I drew my katana, instantly killing 5 of the men around me with the first stroke. My attackers watched in horror as their heart slid out of his individual chest. I drew my dagger, wishing the battle to be over quickly. I cut down the rest of the men, not even getting scratched or knicked. I cannot say the same for them, however. The mens' blood spilled to the ground, wasted. How I hate blood.


Last edited by Korasi on Mon Aug 13, 2012 8:13 pm; edited 3 times in total

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Re: The General

Post by buckthefuffalo on Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:18 pm

No alpacas, no Kool-Aid Man, 0/10.

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:20 pm

buckthefuffalo wrote:No alpacas, no Kool-Aid Man, 0/10.

...

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Re: The General

Post by Lynjabear on Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:21 am

Nice story, but it is a little hard to follow because of the inconsistent writing ("siblings?" I thought they were children. Is it the daughter of "general" or sister?). Also, the paragraph is kind of hard to get through because of the lack of breaks. Interesting idea, though.
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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:24 am

Lynjabear wrote:Nice story, but it is a little hard to follow because of the inconsistent writing ("siblings?" I thought they were children. Is it the daughter of "general" or sister?). Also, the paragraph is kind of hard to get through because of the lack of breaks. Interesting idea, though.

It's not done yet. The siblings are the children that I mentioned before.

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Re: The General

Post by Evan on Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:40 am

It's grammatically correct, just awkwardly worded

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:53 am

Evan wrote:It's grammatically correct, just awkwardly worded

I just didn't really know how to specially phrase what I wanted to say.

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Re: The General

Post by buckthefuffalo on Tue Aug 07, 2012 12:59 am

Okay, I actually read it this time.

I could be wrong here, but I thought that men didn't wear kimonos. And if they did, why in the hell would they go fighting in one?

Also, the way he just kinda killed his entire family was really anti-climatic and made it seem like nothing. The motive (not wanting his wife to worry) was kind of dumb (unless he's insane, but since it's only a paragraph you can't give much characterization). Also, the kids, who are seemingly very young here, probably wouldn't worry as much like his wife, or have some kind of hope he would come home. If he really valued them as he appears but HAD to kill his wife, couldn't he have just sent them to a neighboring tribe/village/whatever?

Unless he didn't kill them and just knocked them out, which is even dumber.

Also, he seems to have some kind of want for revenge, which while not being the worst way to write a character in the world, it has been rather played out. But the thing is is that this unknown enemy destroyed his country, which he must have loved (possibly the people in it too), and yet he just went and killed his fucking family.

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Tue Aug 07, 2012 1:16 am

buckthefuffalo wrote:Okay, I actually read it this time.

I could be wrong here, but I thought that men didn't wear kimonos. And if they did, why in the hell would they go fighting in one?

Also, the way he just kinda killed his entire family was really anti-climatic and made it seem like nothing. The motive (not wanting his wife to worry) was kind of dumb (unless he's insane, but since it's only a paragraph you can't give much characterization). Also, the kids, who are seemingly very young here, probably wouldn't worry as much like his wife, or have some kind of hope he would come home. If he really valued them as he appears but HAD to kill his wife, couldn't he have just sent them to a neighboring tribe/village/whatever?

Unless he didn't kill them and just knocked them out, which is even dumber.

Also, he seems to have some kind of want for revenge, which while not being the worst way to write a character in the world, it has been rather played out. But the thing is is that this unknown enemy destroyed his country, which he must have loved (possibly the people in it too), and yet he just went and killed his fucking family.

You're really thinking about this too hard.

His kimono is decorative. The rest will be explained later. Also, he knocked his family out so that they wouldn't follow him out onto the field.

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Tue Aug 07, 2012 1:25 am

Updated.

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Mon Aug 13, 2012 8:14 pm

Updated.

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Re: The General

Post by Qualna on Mon Aug 13, 2012 9:52 pm

Korasi wrote:
I pulled the arrow from the tree and fingered it. Suddenly, soldiers swarmed me from all sides. My head was in the center of maybe 20 swords. I watched excitedly, thought not showing it.

Best. Erotic. Fiction. Ever.

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Re: The General

Post by buckthefuffalo on Mon Aug 13, 2012 10:01 pm

Qualna wrote:
Korasi wrote:
I pulled the arrow from the tree and fingered it. Suddenly, soldiers swarmed me from all sides. My head was in the center of maybe 20 swords. I watched excitedly, thought not showing it.

Best. Erotic. Fiction. Ever.

MC confirmed for gay trap.

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:14 pm

buckthefuffalo wrote:
Qualna wrote:
Korasi wrote:
I pulled the arrow from the tree and fingered it. Suddenly, soldiers swarmed me from all sides. My head was in the center of maybe 20 swords. I watched excitedly, thought not showing it.

Best. Erotic. Fiction. Ever.

MC confirmed for gay trap.

You fucking people. I swear to God. XD

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Re: The General

Post by Aaron on Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:15 pm

Qualna wrote:
Korasi wrote:
I pulled the arrow from the tree and fingered it. Suddenly, soldiers swarmed me from all sides. My head was in the center of maybe 20 swords. I watched excitedly, thought not showing it.

Best. Erotic. Fiction. Ever.

Inorait?

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